Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Special for the Cuban-American folks out there

The following exchange took place on Craigslist. I guess, when you see yourself as merchandise, you must accept the rules of the market:

Original Post

''What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board ? Any wives ? Could you send me some tips ? I dated a business man who made an average of around 200 - 250K. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. $250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker, and lives in Tribeca. She's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right ? How do I get to her level ?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out ? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

- Is there an age range I should be targeting ?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I've seen really 'Plain Jane' boring types, who have nothing to offer incredibly wealthy guys. Then I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the East Village. What's the story there ?

- Lawyers, investment bankers, doctors. How much do those guys really make ? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out ?

- How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs. just a girlfriend ? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial - at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice hearth and home''.

An Investment Banker''s Response:

Dear Pers-431649184:

''I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time. I qualify as a guy who fits your bill - that is, I make more than $500K per year. That said, here's how I see it:

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is a plain and simple crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity - in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, however, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain - you're 25 now and will likely remain pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 - stick a fork in you!

So, in Wall Street terms, we''d call you a trading position - not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to ''buy you'' (which is what you're asking) - so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following: if my money were to go away, so would you - so when your beauty fades I need an out too. It's as simple as that. So the deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as ''articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful'' as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that, if you are as gorgeous as you say you are, your $500K man hasn't found you - if only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money - and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic ''pump and dump''. I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, please let me know''.

5 comments:

Yo soy Medea said...

Como que audade my dear docccctoorrr PNV, como que que?, me has dejado tarumba...

Yo soy Medea said...

PNV qurido, mira este poema de un poeta cubano llamado Angel Aigier, ya muerto...
El dolor de ser triste
No reside en la causa de la propia tristeza,
puesto que en la tristeza hondo placer existe
que es recóndito germen de armoniosa belleza.
El dolor de ser triste reside en el prurito
de ostentar el grotesco disfraz de la alegría
cuando el alma nostálgica, ansiosa de infinito,
goza las plenitudes de su melancolía.
En la tristeza hay una diafanidad secreta,
–fuga de lo banal y refugio en sí mismo–
que satura las almas de su esencia discreta
pródiga en el milagro de un fecundo idealismo.
Es algo indefinible que nos deja sus huellas
luminosas en toda la psiquis anhelante:
huellas como de estrellas
que en sus destellos vuelcan un hálito fragante.
Pero todos no saben de estas íntimas cosas
inefables, no saben de estas excelsitudes
interiores, no pueden comprender la armoniosa
belleza que hay en esas sutiles inquietudes.
Y hay que ocultar la dulce distinción de ser triste
y mezclar nuestras risas con las risas del mundo.
Y es esa alborozada máscara la que viste
de dolor tan profundo
el gozo de ser triste.

lola said...

Supongo que esto será un chiste ¿o de verdad que hay gente que va diciendo que quiere un marido rico, etc. etc? yo pensaba que eso sólo era cosa de los culebrones.
Gracias por el translator, un poco raro, pero bueno me ayuda.

Aguaya Berlín said...

nada que ver con el tema pero no quería dejar pasar la oportunidad: felicidades a las madres de la familia en su día!

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